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“You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from” ….Cormac McCarthy on benefits of bad luck
When I was a leader in schools I came across a fair deal of challenging situations.
Wanting to get things ‘just right’ (being something of a perfectionist at times) and being ‘internally competitive’ (setting myself quality standards that were not always easy to reach) I found myself getting frustrated and disheartened at times.
I believe that I am more of a ‘glass half full’ type of person, and yet my own desired to do things well and ‘right’ meant that I would often get in my own way.
Question: ‘What are you like when you are at your very best?’
This was a question my coach asked me as we began to explore modes of thinking, being and doing. This question was a great catalyst to manifest a version of myself that I wanted to bring into difficult situations. ‘Andrew Best’ was the name I gave to my ‘leader within’; and he has served me well at times of challenge and struggle ever since.
This, combined with some work I did with my coach on shifting perspective; stepping back and shifting away from ‘initial judgment’ and towards ‘curiosity and exploration’ really helped me recalibrate my relationship with tough situations.
Question: ‘What if had been worse?’
Now I don’t as a rule spend a lot of time in my coaching focusing on ‘the negative’. When I coach we acknowledge the difficulty, and then most of the time is spent exploring ways forward towards more desirable outcomes and aspirations.
Having said that, I was once asked by a colleague (when we were discussing a very challenging situation in school) ‘What if it had been worse?’. My initial response was ‘What are you talking about? That would be awful!’. ‘Exactly!’ came the response… ‘at least it is not as bad as it might have been’.
That conversation released us from all the negative judgment surrounding the situation, and we were better able to figure out a way forward freed from the claustrophobic influence of negative judgement.
It is never easy dealing with situations our perspective frames as ‘negative’. And yet…. not all ‘bad’ situations appear bad to everyone… and this tells us about the significance of perception in many (but not all) situations.
Question: What can we do?
Sometimes the best way to deal with a negatively framed situation is to change that situation – take positive action to move forward, or resolve things in some way, remove the underlying cause etc.
Sometimes we have less agency and control over things, and so what we can change is our relationship with that ‘bad thing’ (ie shift our perspective and intentionally engage in reframing).
Often, when I am coaching leaders, we engage in one or both of the above. In complex dynamic environments leaders are grappling with the level of agency and control they have over all the influencing factors that form part of their daily landscape. As such the ability to reframe can be particularly helpful.
Question: What if it was supposed to be this way?
Sometimes a prompt like the one above can shift us from judgement (ie this ‘bad thing’ is bad!) to curiosity (the space where all the creative ideas roam free).
The challenge can be in developing greater self-awareness to be able to notice when our perspective might be getting in our own way, and having some self-management strategies that enable us to step away from judgement (even if for a short time) and into curiosity.
So…. “You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from”
What are you like at your very best?
What if (during tough times) you asked yourself ‘What if it is supposed to be this way?’
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